Are you of a certain age? Are you single? Are you being setup (or having to put up with being setup)? Is that all you are doing? That just can’t be… so the question arises, while you are waiting to start a “conscience coupling” with a suitable groom, what else is happening in your lives?
Well, some of you are scaling mountains and it’s highest peaks, others may be researching the depths of the oceans, working on the cure for a rare disease, dropping a beat (“let it gooooooooooooooo…”), writing a book of children’s rhymes or just trying to improve the world we live in, in your own small way.
Are we not inspirational or empowering? Do these endeavors leave no legacy? Is it not okay to go against the grain, and dream a different dream? I ask these questions not to the women of a generation above me but to all my fellow females.
In the past couple of years, I have felt an array of emotions from wonder to happiness to excitement. I have reached a peak in my life and career that had seemed impossible. But, guess what – I have realized that none of it was beyond my reach. I deserved it all along. Where there is a will, a way will appear by itself.
Nevertheless, to those who are concerned, the central theme remains the same – I am single. And the tone of concern goes from decrescendo to crescendo ( i.e., the message is not that “I am unmarried” but that “I have failed to get married”). The definition is the same but they have different connotations.
A certain “blast from my past” has brought it to my attention that another year has passed, without my wedding bells ringing in her ears. So, here is a question to ponder on. My fellow females, is marriage the ultimate goal? Do our lives, achievements and joys before marriage have no value? Or do they, in any way, weigh less?
Why is it that in our culture, a girl’s achievements, hopes and dreams, outside/before marriage is considered to be “extracurricular activities?”
As the new year started, I have been approached “repeatedly” by a certain person and her plethora of advice that I did not ask for. If I only fixed my makeup, if only I lost some weight (by the way, I don’t commute via construction crane), and if I could only scrub off the color of my skin off my body (just in case you can’t tell, I’m of wheatish complexion), this person is certain that I could get married. All that I require is major improvement or extreme makeover.
The irony is that all my life I have been told, even during my brief stint as a model, that my features were a catch factor. I was surprised that she saw my looks as a demarcation.
I’ll be honest, it did bite. Anyways, I will eat a cookie, and I will get over it. Whatever she thinks is irrelevant, and it’s really none of my business. I will get married, “in spite of the darker foundation” not because I need to but because I want to. And when it happens, I vow to keep doing what I am doing now. I will be “me” and I will leave a legacy of intelligence, serenity and laughter for the next generation.
My marriage, though being a significant part of my life, shall NOT overpower my being. My experiences as a woman, as a human in this world will not be confined to being married.
To all you phenomenal and beautiful women out there, keep in mind that men and marriage do not define who we are, and no decent and self-respecting man would want us to settle for him. Whatever you do, don’t allow anyone to pull you down just because you are older than the norm or single. There are so many unhappy married people around but our goal is to have a marriage that is everlasting and full of bliss.
Don’t be afraid of receiving as much as you offer. Patience is a virtue, and while we wait for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, let’s just enjoy the beauty of the rainbow.
[Ed. Note: Gauthami is now in a happy relationship with an amazing man who complements but does not define her. 😉 ]
This post was originally published on the Wheatish Complexion blog.